


Live On

by interruptedbyfjreworks



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Cancer, Character Death, Comfort/Angst, Crying, Cuddles, Death, Drabble, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Illnesses, M/M, Sad, Sick Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-03-27 02:27:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13871142
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/interruptedbyfjreworks/pseuds/interruptedbyfjreworks
Summary: Phil's dying from cancer and there's nothing anyone can do.





	Live On

Dan sat beside the hospital bed, running his hands through what little hair Phil had that hadn’t fallen out. The chemotherapy he had gone through over the last couple of months had done nothing except take his energy and most of his hair.

“Dan, you really should sleep. I don’t want you to stay up with me and not get any rest,” Phil said in the same weak tone he had had for weeks.

“I’m not going to waste any time I could be spending with you,” Dan said quietly as he squeezed Phil’s hand. Dan knew that his time with Phil was limited.

They found the tumor only 3 months ago. It was located in his brain, and the doctors gave Phil a 30% chance of survival, with chemo. Phil didn’t want chemo-it was too expensive and it probably wouldn’t work-but Dan insisted.

Phil was only 34. Much too young to die. Much too young to say goodbye.

Now, 2 months into chemo, the tumor was growing and the chance of survival was going down. Only earlier that day, the doctor had told Dan that Phil probably wouldn’t make it longer than a few days.

Dan didn’t cry.

He could see it coming. When the doctor asked to talk with Dan privately, he knew what would be said. 

“Spend as much time with him as you can,” the doctor said as Dan stared expressionlessly at the wall. “There isn’t anything more we can do than pray.”

Dan didn’t believe in any sort of God, but that didn’t stop him from praying to whatever powers he could think of, hoping that one of them would hear him and bring Phil peace.

Dan hadn’t left Phil’s side since he heard the news. Nobody had told Phil what was happening, but Phil wasn’t stupid.

“Dan,” Phil said softly, pulling Dan out of his trance. “I know I’m going to die.”

Dan leaned in closer to Phil’s face. “Don’t say that,” he whispered, placing a kiss on his forehead.

“I’m not just saying it, Dan. It’s a fact. I’ve got a week at best. I can feel my body giving up.” Phil’s voice was toneless as if he was stating the weather.

Staring into Phil’s once vibrant, now just tired eyes is what finally broke Dan. The tears ran down his face in an endless stream, and soon he was clutching onto Phil’s hospital gown as his shoulders convulsed with every sob. Phil reached up to wrap his arms around Dan, and Dan could feel how much it was taking out of him just to perform this simple task.

Every emotion Dan had kept in was coming out now. He hadn’t cried since he first found out about the tumor. The night they had found out, he and Phil stayed up all night, crying and laughing and kissing and reassuring each other that they could get through it.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do without you,” Dan said now as he cried into Phil’s chest. He could feel every one of Phil’s ribs poking out too much and hear the sporadic beating of his heart.

“You’re going to live a long, happy, and fulfilling life, Dan. I like to think that you’ll find someone who loves you almost as much as I do and you’ll make a life together. You can’t let me hold you back from living.”

“Your life was my life’s best part, Phil. I can’t love anyone else but you. I won’t be able to.” Dan was shaking. He had crawled farther onto the bed so he could get closer to Phil.

“If you truly love me, you would want to make me happy. And you finding love will make me happier than anything else.”

Dan had started to lose it. All of his dignity was lost but he couldn’t care less. Snot was running down his face and he was crying hysterically. “Phil!” he screamed as he sobbed. “I can’t lose you!”

“That’s not a choice either of us gets to make, Dan!” Phil said, sitting up so he could fully wrap himself around Dan’s trembling figure.

Dan sobbed into Phil’s shoulder for nearly an hour before he finally calmed down. Phil stroked his hair in attempts to comfort him until he told Dan that he needed to lay down.

The two fell asleep pressed closely together on the small bed. Dan curled into Phil’s side, hand over his stomach so he could feel it rising and falling.

Dan woke up to a plethora of frantic nurses and doctors bursting into the room. He was confused until he noticed the heart rate monitor was now giving off one continuous beep.

Dan was pulled away from Phil as he screamed and shook his lifeless body. He tried to fight off the nurses until he realized there was no point.

Phil was gone.

And he would have to live on.

**Author's Note:**

> ...i'm sorry  
>  Follow me on tumblr: interruptedbyfjreworks


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